It's Not Me, It's You.

Ask me anything   I am not always this person. So well-informed I can barely bring myself to crawl out of bed in the morning.

AIM?

twitter.com/TommieKhaos:

    "

    [T]he “confidence gap” is not a personal defect as much as it is a reflection of a culture that gives women no reason to feel self-assured.

    In girlhood, starkly-divided toy aisles teach us that engineering, electronics and science toys are for boys, that the futures for which we should be preparing are those of the Barbie Dream House variety. Adolescent girls - especially girls of color - are given less teacher attention in the classroom than their male peers. A full 56% of female students report being sexually harassed. Sexual assault on college campuses is rampant and goes largely unpunished, women can barely walk down the street without fear of harassment, and we make up the majority of American adults in poverty.

    The truth is, if you’re not insecure, you’re not paying attention. Women’s lack of confidence could actually just be a keen understanding of just how little American society values them.

    "
    From my first piece at the Guardian, The female ‘confidence gap’ is a sham (via jessicavalenti)
    — 27 minutes ago with 152 notes
    "Once the poor can be represented as totally corrupt, as being always and only morally bankrupt, it is possible for those with class privilege to eschew any responsibility for poverty and the suffering it generates."
    bell hooks, where we stand: class matters pg. 68 (via hafwen)
    — 10 hours ago with 2 notes
    "

    Ten Women I Have Been Warned Against Becoming:

    1. The Girl Who Takes Up Too Much Space, always, her shoulders too wide in stairwells, her hips too big in doorways, her voice too loud in classes. This woman does not understand the art of crumbling, of curling herself tight like the spiral of a fern, soft, delicate, unwilling to reach out the ivy of her fingers to grasp onto what should rightfully be hers. This is a beast, an elephant, a moving mountain and she is capable of flattening you, she is capable of ruining you, she is capable of making you feel as small and insignificant in her life as she is supposed to be. You are this woman’s footnote to history, you are her side note in song lyrics, you are constantly interrupted by her with a witty joke you wish you thought of. I asked what the problem was with being a steamroller instead of a sunflower and I was laughed down.

    2. The Beautiful One, the long hair or the slim waist or the pretty eyes or the lips like bowstrings. This woman looks good in everything because she’s confident in whatever you put her in. She’ll cut her hair short on you no matter how you like it, she’ll wear high heels and step on your opinions, she’ll look hot as hell no matter what size she is. See, the reason you can’t trust her is because women like this don’t need your permission, they’ll do as they please and get away with it. They’ll say no to you, over and over. Teach your daughters that beautiful means dangerous, teach them to distrust women who love themselves. Equate beautiful with vapid, equate pretty with stupid, take their power from them. Say they’re vain for their makeup, refuse to see them without it. These women are snakes, they are serpents. I said maybe the problem lies with you being unable to control yourself and was told to get off my pedestal.

    3. A Bitch. Women are supposed to be ladies in the street but will tear skin under sheets. I’m told: Never raise your voice. Speak gently. Submit. Hold your opinion against your lips and when you admit to it, make sure it comes out as a butterfly wing suggestion. Don’t disagree. Don’t undermine someone else’s authority, regardless of whether or not they deserve your respect. Someone touches you, just move away from them. Don’t hit. Don’t talk back. Be like the ruins of Rome, only beautiful if you can’t hear your quiet death.

    4. The Needy One. I have heard how others spit when they talk about how she gave you everything and you shoved it back down her throat until she choked on it, until she came back crawling and asked you what she did, until her palms and knees were scraped for want of just a little affection - never be this woman, I’m told, because she’s a joke and the joke is that she dared to have more emotion than you did. The truth is, I’m told, the one who cares less in a partnership is the one who wins. I didn’t know this was a competition.

    5. The Cock Tease, certified stripper, how dare that girl look like that and not want me to sleep with her. Lust is always personified as a lady in red with a dress slit up her thigh. Lust is sinful because it’s power, it’s not asking for attention - it’s demanding it. I’m told she is the worst kind of woman, that looking good is supposed to be some kind of shame on her kin. I’m told not to leave the house in such a short skirt, not with a shirt so low, not with a lace back, not with high heels, not dressed like that. My lipstick can’t be too red, my hair can’t be too mussed, I can’t just “turn someone on like that and then leave them wanting.” I mentioned that instant gratification actually ruins our psyche and was told that being led on was “exhausting.” I said that there was a difference between purposefully tricking someone into liking you and just being attractive or friendly. I was told there’s also a difference between coffee and tea but both result in caffeine. I said, “I’ve been turned on in class by the girls I talk to but I didn’t expect anything from them,” and they said, “It’s different, you’re not a man,” but couldn’t explain where that difference was.

    6. A Slut, obviously ruined by another person’s touch. It doesn’t matter how many people she’s actually been with, it’s all about the rumors she carries with her. Easy. Harlot. You’ll still try to get with her, you’ll still take her into your bed and kiss her and say things you don’t mean - but you’ll defame her name when you talk to your buddies. My father used to say “A slut is fine for the night, but the virgin is who you take home and marry.” Maybe he didn’t know he was teaching his daughter to hate her sexuality. Maybe he didn’t know that every time she’d be kissed, her whole system would shake until she felt ready to combust, shame and self-hatred shivering against her spine. Maybe he didn’t know she’d disconnect emotions and sex because he always told her, “Boys are different, they won’t care about you.” Nobody said to her that it was okay to experiment. See, the funny thing is, I’m a dancer so I know exactly where my center of gravity is. I know how hard I’ll fall in each direction. Yet out of fear of getting hurt, I won’t let a single person inside of my bed.

    7. The Soulmate. Never love romance more than you love being cynical. Never show weakness, never like pink, never think maybe you might find someone nice and settle down with them. Someone will find you, I was told, And if you’re lucky, he’ll put up with you when you start getting old. Never be the woman who believes in happily ever after, never be dumb enough to think maybe someone could love you after all of your mistakes. It has nothing to do with whether or not a family is important to you and you’re in a good place where a relationship would make your life better - you’re not a princess. You don’t get married, you settle.

    8. The Girl With Strength, who can outrun everyone and who is stronger than her boyfriend. “See the thing about boys,” says my daddy, “Is that you have to let them win.” I sat at home and read stories about Artemis and wanted to become the huntress, too. I wanted to howl at the moon, I wanted to slay the beasts that bested me, I wanted to rule my kingdom with bloody fists. But girls are never athletes, never supposed to be “built,” regardless of the fact civilizations were constructed on our spines and we made homes in war by the steel of our ribs. Never be strong. We are supposed to wilt.

    9. The Lady CEO: because if you choose work over family, are you really a girl? How dare you fight your way to the top through every pair of eyes that bore through your blouse, through every meeting where you were hushed by the sound of someone else talking, through every time someone called you “sweetie,” how dare you yearn for something. Is your husband the stay-at-home one? I can’t imagine how that is going. He’s not a real man, after all. I don’t give it long before the divorce. How dare you decide you’re happy being single. Don’t you know you’re supposed to bear children. Where is your honor? Where is your wisdom? Who cares if you are the leader, the best suited for your position, the quickest-thinking, the one who makes the hardest clients come back again. Don’t you see? Across history, women have been terrible at success. They always lose their man in the end. (When I said, “I would rather be a famous author than a mediocre mother,” I was told, “No, don’t worry, you’ll be a fine mommy.”)

    10. THE GIRL I AM: FIRECRACKER AND DON’T YOU FUCKING FORGET IT I’LL RIP YOU TO SHREDS AND I WON’T FUCKING REGRET IT I’M NOT YOUR PRETTY GIRL I’M NOT YOUR ANYTHING I’M PERFECT, MOTHERFUCKER, AND I’M NOT GOING TO GIVE UP WHAT I’M DOING. I DON’T WANT TO BE “LADYLIKE” THAT LITERALLY MEANS NOTHING I’M NOT GOING TO STOP STANDING UP AND DEMANDING WHAT’S COMING TO ME. I’M GONNA BE SOMEBODY. I’M GONNA MAKE THEM REMEMBER ME. I REFUSE TO BE OVERSHADOWED IN HISTORY. I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WERE TRYING TO CREATE BUT YOU MADE ME A DRAGON YOU PUT ME IN THE FIRE AND WHEN I STOPPED BURNING I LEARNED HOW TO GLOW DON’T THINK YOU CAN STOP ME YOU CAN’T TAME A TORNADO.

    "

    In respectful response to a poem tilted, “Ten men women have warned me against becoming." /// r.i.d (via inkskinned)

    work

    (via wintry-mix)

    (via hafwen)

    — 11 hours ago with 57419 notes

    vivianvivisection:

    straight boys think girls can’t take compliments, and that’s ridiculous cause i’ve seen so many girls compliment each other, i’ve seen conversations & friendships blossom from girls complimenting each other in line, on the street, at school waiting for the bus, pretty much anywhere.

    the problem is straight boys think sexual harassment & assault are compliments.

    (via wednypls)

    — 11 hours ago with 76279 notes

    kateordie:

    I haven’t posted anything lengthy or terribly eloquent on the subject of women in geek culture lately, have I? Have this instead.

    — 16 hours ago with 1873 notes
    mountaindave:

strawberrypatty:

thepfa:

nohetero:

scottthepilgrim:

which fucking fedora wearing friendzoned nerd made this thing

yeah but notice that the seal’s intent is to eat those fish and the shark offers a mutually beneficial relationship for them
in which a dudebro unintentionally makes a really accurate analogy for the reason that they’re single forever

That’s a whale shark. They’re docile and in no way threatening to people or those fish depicted. Seals, by contrast, will attack people, possibly out of a frustrated sense of entitlement combined with poor socialization skills.

When analogies fail but then actually are super truthful.

I think someone needs to put a fedora on the seal

    mountaindave:

    strawberrypatty:

    thepfa:

    nohetero:

    scottthepilgrim:

    which fucking fedora wearing friendzoned nerd made this thing

    yeah but notice that the seal’s intent is to eat those fish and the shark offers a mutually beneficial relationship for them

    in which a dudebro unintentionally makes a really accurate analogy for the reason that they’re single forever

    That’s a whale shark. They’re docile and in no way threatening to people or those fish depicted. Seals, by contrast, will attack people, possibly out of a frustrated sense of entitlement combined with poor socialization skills.

    When analogies fail but then actually are super truthful.

    I think someone needs to put a fedora on the seal

    (via maniacwrangler)

    — 17 hours ago with 165063 notes
    erinred:

theveganmothership:

The foam suffocates 15,000 chickens in 15 minutes. It’s an American invention by Kifco, a manufacturer of irrigation equipment in Illinois. Note the humans in white suits standing in the window like strange aliens in a sci-fi horror movie. This is a “free range” farm, because they are not in individual cages, so the FDA allows the packaging of their dead flesh to be sold as “free range.” happy chickens, humane farming - feel good about your purchase packaging for unconscious consumers of animals.
As we all know, suffocating is painful, but carbon dioxide in high concentrations is also aversive. It converts to carbonic acid, burning mucous membranes. Feeling as though their throats and nasal passages are on fire, birds killed by in-barn gassing gasp, shake their heads, stretch their necks in an attempt to breathe and convulse so violently that they fracture their wings and legs.
 http://tinyurl.com/ouc7ksr

How can anyone possibly ignore the terrifying similarities between this and a concentration camp?  Horrific, the things we invent to make our sick habits more convenient.  We should be ashamed of ourselves.  

    erinred:

    theveganmothership:

    The foam suffocates 15,000 chickens in 15 minutes. It’s an American invention by Kifco, a manufacturer of irrigation equipment in Illinois. Note the humans in white suits standing in the window like strange aliens in a sci-fi horror movie. This is a “free range” farm, because they are not in individual cages, so the FDA allows the packaging of their dead flesh to be sold as “free range.” happy chickens, humane farming - feel good about your purchase packaging for unconscious consumers of animals.

    As we all know, suffocating is painful, but carbon dioxide in high concentrations is also aversive. It converts to carbonic acid, burning mucous membranes. Feeling as though their throats and nasal passages are on fire, birds killed by in-barn gassing gasp, shake their heads, stretch their necks in an attempt to breathe and convulse so violently that they fracture their wings and legs.

     http://tinyurl.com/ouc7ksr

    How can anyone possibly ignore the terrifying similarities between this and a concentration camp?  Horrific, the things we invent to make our sick habits more convenient.  We should be ashamed of ourselves.  

    — 18 hours ago with 12511 notes

    caleatkinson:

    The Adventures of Batman and Bear-Robin!
    In Gif form! :P

    Cale Atkinson [website | tumblr | twitter | etsy]

    (via inkwellinkingwell)

    — 21 hours ago with 22287 notes

    fangpants:

    Why do dudes always wanna know your bra size tho, what are they gonna do, buy you bras?? Cause that would be very helpful bras cost a lot of money i would save a fortune

    (via hafwen)

    — 22 hours ago with 173606 notes
    coroncina:

a mix for when you need to close your eyes, breathe in and out and make the anxiety and the bad thoughts go awaylisten | credit shinagawa number soutaisei riron / floating away lullatone / something about us daft punk / world domination-how to neru ft. kagamine twins / hello how are you yuuto & osamuraisan / 1AM animal crossing wild world / lack of color death cab for cutie / secret base zone / el mañana gorillaz / sight of the sun fun. / little cry of the abyss sasakure.UK ft. asako toki / may nothing but happiness come through your door mogwai / all alone with you egoist / overjoyed bastille / northern downpour panic! at the disco

    coroncina:

    a mix for when you need to close your eyes, breathe in and out and make the anxiety and the bad thoughts go away
    listen
     | credit 

    shinagawa number soutaisei riron / floating away lullatone / something about us daft punk / world domination-how to neru ft. kagamine twins / hello how are you yuuto & osamuraisan / 1AM animal crossing wild world / lack of color death cab for cutie / secret base zone / el mañana gorillaz / sight of the sun fun. / little cry of the abyss sasakure.UK ft. asako toki / may nothing but happiness come through your door mogwai / all alone with you egoist / overjoyed bastille / northern downpour panic! at the disco

    (via wednypls)

    — 1 day ago with 168 notes
    http://book-answers.tumblr.com/post/81816761336/ya-tumblr-is-exploding-calling-eleanor-and →

    causeofdeath-fandoms:

    book-answers:

    Ya.. TUMBLr is exploding calling “Eleanor and Park” racist. -_- Like okay there are some stereotypes? What work of fiction doesn’t? And “it’s glorifying the problems Koreans have living in America” if you are Korean and living in America, I know you have had a hard time.. Almost every race has had…

    im going to do my best here and if im wrong someone please please correct me

    what i really dont understand is how you can see all the things rowell is doing wrong in her book and still try to justify it. you’re right, other books have stereotypes. but what this book DIDN’T do is confront them. a lot of people are comparing this book to To Kill a Mockingbird. oh my god please dont. there are so many things wrong with that. rowell just fetishes koreans. thats it. you say so yourself the book is riddled with racism, but i dont see park or his family struggling with as much bullying that eleanor goes through. how is that possible? id feel better if park struggled with racism and bullying through his life and overcame it, possibly together with eleanor or something. and if rowell showed the struggles his mother would have faced too, not just horrible depictions of how she couldnt speak english well. 

    so you say this book is in the teenager’s POV. yes you’re right. who wrote those POVs? rowell. dont think these characters stand alone because rowell wrote them. they didn’t write themselves. yes, she could have had them say racist things because “theyre teenagers and they dont know better.” but rowell isn’t a teenager. she knows better. if she included so much racism i fail to see where she justified it. 

    "so of coruse eleanor is going to like that fact that pak is korean" wait wait, did you say park being korean is the reason why eleanor likes park? because that just highlights the huge problem with this book. if this book didn’t fetishize koreans, then i would be able to switch park to any other ethnicity and go through the book just fine. but no, it doesn’t work because he isn’t strictly korean. why? why does he have to be korean? whats the point other than fetishizing koreans? if he was indian, hispanic, of even white, would eleanor have fallen in love with him? 

    park’s parents are “so in love”. i dont even know where to begin. actually, i really dont because i dont know enough about the war prostitution that went on, so it would be better for someone more informed to educate you on that. basically though: there are lot of problems with that sentence. 

    "GUYS IF ROWELL HAD MADE PARK TALL AND FAT PEOPLE WOULD COMPLAIN ABOUT HIM NOT SEEMING KOREAN ENOUGH!" not korean enough. because that wouldnt fit everyone’s sweet romantic dreams of marrying one of those perfect kpop looking idols they see. im going to shatter your world right now. THERE ARE FAT AND TALL KOREANS. gasp. im so sorry. sit down, take a minute to wrap that around your head. 

    done? because i’m not. what the hell does “korean enough” even mean? even if i do humor you and tell you that yes, korean culture revolves highly around physical beauty nowadays, the book setting was in 1980. AND IN AMERICA. so it really shouldnt have mattered if park was fat or not because it wouldnt be the same? in america? in 1980?  do you understand? there wouldn’t have been a korean culture pressuring him to conform to their standards of beauty you see in kpop. and honestly, if his mother was a true korean (by that i mean, written true like a korean), she probably would have gladly made him fat. because my parents do. its like they pressure me to eat and get fat, because the korean war was so fucking devastating, poverty was common, and my parents struggled to get food sometimes. (im korean btw) so here they lavished food on the table because it was such a blessing for them that my siblings and i had the constant promise of food on the table everyday, something they didn’t have. park’s mother, judging from the probability that she was a prostitute (again i dont know enough) was most likely forced into such a path because she needed to survive. basically, i mean to say she wouldn’t have a problem with park being fat, because it would be a sign that he didnt have to struggle like she did, so he has nothing stopping him, unless his douchebag white father had something to say about it. 

    "So duh, yeah park is going to think he is unattractive… Wouldn’t you stuck in a neighbourhood where everyone is white, big and tall? And you just happened to get bad genes?" there are a lot of things wrong with this. bad genes? bad genes? wow, thats borderline nazi. there are no such things as bad fucking genes. and if park believes that, his parents did a shit of a job teaching him to be proud of who he is. which doesnt really make sense. was his mom too ashamed to be korean that she didnt fix his self-esteem because she agreed? was his dad only in love with his fetish for korean woman, that he stopped caring for his korean-looking son, and instead favoring his whiter looking son? (did park REALLY have to suck at driving, btw?) when i was a kid, i was bullied for my "chinky" eyes, but when i came home crying, my parents made me feel beautiful and proud of my eyes and how they looked beautiful still even when they got smaller as i smiled. so yeah, initially i felt insecure in a predominantly white neighborhood, but my parents did the right thing and set it right. i never believed in such a thing as bad genes. how could anyone ever? seriously? rainbow rowell get your shit together for even saying such a fucking thing. fix your fucking characters. ALSO, ive never heard of a half-korean that looks mostly korean and has green eyes? someone enlighten me on this, but from experience and what i think genetically, i seriously think the probability of that happening is near 0.

    Okay yeah, Rowell might not have done as much research as she could have… But that doesn’t make the book racist or demeaning Koreans in America, or against white and POC relationships.” OH LORDY. yeah. i think i went over this. i think we ALL went over this. a million times. go back and read the book. really, REALLY read the book. 

    Understandably the Koreans in America must feel affronted, or feel as if Rowell is making fun at them. I don’t think she is.” wait, how does that work? you understand that we are insulted? but you don’t think so? so you understand that rowell diminishes our value as people, and understand how we may feel insulted, but you dont think she is? huh? what?

    And I don’t think I saw anyone complaining about how Rowell described the black kids? No one even commented on if that was racist?!” uh, yes we do. a lot actually. do you have any idea how stereotypical her black friends are? its like rowell just watches any hollywood movie with a black minor character and bases eleanor’s friends on that. they way they talk, the way they act. and they’re such minor characters, i don’t even know why rowell was compelled to include them at all? just because she wanted her book to be multiracial? well she really failed at that. really failed. why do you think we are so mad. i dont feel like i can do justice to this issue, so anyone who can, PLEASE do, by all means. it seems to me though that you acknowledge how its racist the way they’re portrayed? then why are you still defending this book? WHY?

    I’m not trying to tell all the people offended that you have no reason to be… I just have my own opinion” thats nice, but i dont really understand your opinion. its like you acknowledge everything wrong with this book but fail to see it even though its staring you right in the eyes. which is worse, in my opinion. a lot of people enjoy this book because they cant see it, but you. you see it and look away purposefully. why?

    (via wednypls)

    — 1 day ago with 108 notes